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SoonerTimes Home > SoonerTimes > OU Sports > Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners


Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners
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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:44 pm

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Mexican space program.............

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:47 pm

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Wait.....What..

Triple Option
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 Posted: Wed Apr 12th, 2017 09:02 pm

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Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means "me".

You know Leanne Rimes? Wait, no it doesn't.

Most people have an above average number of legs.

I saw a short guy climbing out of a 2nd story prison window. I thought it was a little con descending.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

OldHippie
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 Posted: Thu Apr 13th, 2017 02:42 am

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Hey, I think it is funny:lol:

" 'A party recently left Joe's store at Mormon Bar for the Valley, and a friend of the Star furnishes the following statistiics-- showing the amount of "the necessaries of life" which is required for an eight day's trip in the mountains:
8 lbs potatoes.
1 bottle whiskey.
1 bottle pepper sauce.
1 bottle whiskey.
1 box tea.
9 lbs onions.
2 bottles whiskey.
1 ham.
11 lbs crackers.
1 bottle whiskey.
1/2 doz. sardines.
2 bottles brandy, (4th proof.)
6 lbs sugar.
1 bottle brandy, (4th proof.)
1 bottle pepper.
5 gallons whiskey.
4 bottles whiskey. (old Bourbon)
1 small keg whiskey.
1 bottle of cocktails , (designed for a "starter.")
From Hutchings' California Magazine, 1860'"
---ibid (p. 59)

Triple Option
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 Posted: Fri Apr 14th, 2017 07:46 pm

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Some things you intuitively know, but it’s still nice to see them proven mathematically.

Warning – NSFW – Not Safe for Wives!

Given: Women take both time and money, so:
Women = Time x Money

Given: “Time is money” so:
Women = Money x Money or Women = Money Squared

Given: “Money is the root of all evil” so:
Money = the square root of Evil or Money Squared = Evil

Since: Women = Money Squared and Money Squared = Evil
Therefore: Women = Evil

47Straight
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 Posted: Fri Apr 14th, 2017 08:11 pm

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When you think you are having a bad day - consider this:

Attachment: 1 nuts.jpeg (Downloaded 247 times)

Walt
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 Posted: Fri Apr 14th, 2017 11:42 pm

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Ouch!

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:46 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:52 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:56 pm

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You take the high road and I'll take the low road..

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:59 pm

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Another high road..........

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:03 pm

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:lol::lol::lol:

Last edited on Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:18 pm by K2C Sooner

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:13 pm

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K2C...the younger years...

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:15 pm

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Gots to git me one............

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:20 pm

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Shark Week starts soon on the Discovery Channel..

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:40 pm

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BOO!!!!

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:49 pm

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I'm out...Have some chores to do.........

Triple Option
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 Posted: Sun Apr 16th, 2017 02:00 am

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47Straight wrote:
When you think you are having a bad day - consider this:


Is that what you'd call "extra testicular activity"?

humblesooner
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 Posted: Mon Apr 17th, 2017 03:02 pm

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K2C Sooner wrote:
You take the high road and I'll take the low road..



100% that alcohol is involved here.
Hopefully, just her and not him.

tennsooner
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 Posted: Mon Apr 17th, 2017 03:07 pm

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humblesooner wrote:
K2C Sooner wrote:
You take the high road and I'll take the low road..



100% that alcohol is involved here.
Hopefully, just her and not him.


Pictures like that just put a knot in my stomach and I can't hardly stand it. :shock::shock::-$

Triple Option
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 Posted: Mon Apr 17th, 2017 04:35 pm

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tennsooner wrote:Pictures like that just put a knot in my stomach and I can't hardly stand it. :shock::shock::-$
Just assume there's a soft grassy ledge a few feet below her that you can't see - it's all about the camera angle. ;)

OldHippie
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 Posted: Mon Apr 17th, 2017 09:12 pm

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Triple Option wrote:
tennsooner wrote:Pictures like that just put a knot in my stomach and I can't hardly stand it. :shock::shock::-$
Just assume there's a soft grassy ledge a few feet below her that you can't see - it's all about the camera angle. ;)

No! If I had seen that when I was young I would have to dive off it. I'm crazy that don't you know. :pirate::lol:

Triple Option
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 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 08:40 pm

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I hate those little Russian dolls . . . they're so full of themselves.

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 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 08:46 pm

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I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book the other day. I figured it was about time.

Triple Option
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 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 08:47 pm

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Stephen Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she stood him up.

Triple Option
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 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 08:49 pm

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Conjunctivitis.com - now there’s a site for sore eyes.

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 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 08:50 pm

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One time I saw a baseball, and I couldn’t figure out why it seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. Suddenly it hit me.

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 Posted: Fri Apr 21st, 2017 08:21 pm

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I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.

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 Posted: Fri Apr 21st, 2017 08:22 pm

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A short psychic broke out of jail. Police are looking for a small medium at large.

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 Posted: Fri Apr 21st, 2017 08:22 pm

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.


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