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SoonerTimes Home > SoonerTimes > OU Sports > Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners


Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners
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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 02:01 am

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Fact of the day........

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 02:03 am

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Anybody want to invest in my new invention?

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 02:04 am

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Okay, I won't.......

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Sun Apr 2nd, 2017 02:07 am

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Okay, I'm out. I need to get something to eat.........

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 Posted: Tue Apr 4th, 2017 03:35 pm

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After watching The Longest Yard, a promoter thought it would be great to put together an exhibition game of NFL players vs. prison inmates. His sales pitch was impressive and relentless, but the NFL said no, for various reasons, including that they did not want to expose their players to possible injury. The promoter dismissed this idea, saying the risk of injury was minimal, in part because the NFL players were simply bigger than the inmates. He said "It's clear the pros outweigh the cons!"

Last edited on Tue Apr 4th, 2017 03:36 pm by Triple Option

Triple Option
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:00 pm

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I always thought saying “I apologize” was the same as saying “I’m sorry” . . . I found out that’s not true at a funeral.

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:44 pm

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Can you believe this? The kid doesn't even have a diaper on.....

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:45 pm

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Beast of burden.....

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:49 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:51 pm

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Meanwhile in Hot Springs, Arkansas........

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:52 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:54 pm

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Okay, I won't..........

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:57 pm

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My wife can do that...........

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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 06:59 pm

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Old fashion tank..............

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 07:00 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 07:02 pm

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K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Thu Apr 6th, 2017 07:03 pm

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I hate getting old.........

Gandalf
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 Posted: Sun Apr 9th, 2017 06:22 pm

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I thought this needed a bump. Here is a long one but it is a good, yet kind of old. It is a scout's letter home from camp.

Dear Mom & Dad,

We are having a great time here at Camp CatchaCough. Our Scoutmaster is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Charlie when it happened. Oh yes, please call Charlie's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster got mad at Charlie for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Charlie said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas could blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.

Our Scoutmaster is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Travis how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Charlie was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.

He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When David dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Raymond and I threw up. Scoutmaster said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love,
Your son

P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

Last edited on Sun Apr 9th, 2017 06:23 pm by Gandalf

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 Posted: Sun Apr 9th, 2017 10:29 pm

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Camp Granada :lol:
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=song+camp+granada&view=detail&mid=C3F6A55FBDED70538AD0C3F6A55FBDED70538AD0&FORM=VIRE

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:15 pm

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:20 pm

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Sorry sir...You've been bumped.

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:22 pm

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Clean up on aisle four..........

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:24 pm

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Huddle up...........

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:28 pm

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This how I feel when we lose to texas...

K2C Sooner
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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:30 pm

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Those were the days my friends............

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:32 pm

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And another..............

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:34 pm

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Ray Charles out for a drive........

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:36 pm

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FETCH!!!

Last edited on Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:38 pm by K2C Sooner

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:41 pm

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 Posted: Tue Apr 11th, 2017 07:43 pm

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