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SoonerTimes Home > SoonerTimes > OU Sports > Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners


Off-topic, off-season, and off-the-wall – your favorite jokes, puns, or one-liners
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Triple Option
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 Posted: Fri Jul 12th, 2019 10:12 pm

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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter".

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars -- and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars -- and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, he looped and rolled and did every daredevil trick he knew, but heard nary a word from the couple. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 04:36 am

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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 04:37 am

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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 04:38 am

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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 04:39 am

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Triple Option
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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 04:39 am

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 Posted: Wed Jul 17th, 2019 05:51 pm

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Man, I must have burned about 3,000 calories this morning.

That's the last time I take a nap with fudge brownies in the oven.

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 Posted: Wed Jul 17th, 2019 07:24 pm

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I'm reading a suspenseful story in Braille. I think something bad is about to happen, I can just feel it.

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 Posted: Wed Jul 17th, 2019 07:26 pm

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A woman divorced her cross-eyed husband. She found out he was seeing someone on the side.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 20th, 2019 03:53 am

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When I was a little boy, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

Now at last I’ve managed to invent a time machine of my own, so I’m going to go back to when HE was a little boy and punch him and see how he likes it.

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 Posted: Sun Jul 21st, 2019 12:29 pm

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I can't get my new gun to work.

So now I'm reading the Trouble Shooting section in the manual.

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 Posted: Sun Jul 21st, 2019 12:39 pm

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Army Sooner taking on some summer work...:dude:

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 Posted: Sun Jul 21st, 2019 12:43 pm

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Road rage....

Last edited on Sun Jul 21st, 2019 12:46 pm by K2C Sooner

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 Posted: Sun Jul 21st, 2019 01:14 pm

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Meanwhile at tbm's house. It looks like those pamplets posted above helped him.:dude:

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 Posted: Sun Jul 21st, 2019 01:17 pm

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YIKES!

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 Posted: Mon Jul 22nd, 2019 03:25 pm

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I've done some terrible things for money.

Like getting up early to go to work.

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 Posted: Mon Jul 22nd, 2019 04:00 pm

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 Posted: Tue Jul 23rd, 2019 05:19 pm

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When we first got married, my wife insisted I fix the toaster, because she assumed I would be good at that kind of stuff. Boy, was she in for a shock!

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 Posted: Tue Jul 23rd, 2019 05:35 pm

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 Posted: Wed Jul 24th, 2019 03:22 am

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Today I ran into a guy who, years ago in another city, sold me a miniature globe. Small world.

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 Posted: Wed Jul 24th, 2019 09:07 pm

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How did Pharaoh get so rich?

Turns out he was running a huge pyramid scheme.

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 Posted: Thu Jul 25th, 2019 02:54 am

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So that's where it came from.


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 Posted: Thu Jul 25th, 2019 06:22 pm

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Sweden doesn't export cattle. They like to keep their Stockholm.

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 Posted: Thu Jul 25th, 2019 06:23 pm

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I love my "dad chair." My recliner and I go way back.

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 Posted: Fri Jul 26th, 2019 05:15 pm

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Our neighbor is a locksmith. We babysat his son last night at our place. As soon as we got in the house he made a bolt for the door.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 27th, 2019 06:17 pm

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I bought a new comic book, but the last page was missing. So I had to draw my own conclusions.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 27th, 2019 06:19 pm

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Then there was the pirate who was so cheap that he bought all his hooks from the second hand store.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 27th, 2019 06:23 pm

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People always warned Grandpa that one day his pride would be the death of him. And sure enough, he was eaten by his pet lions.

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 Posted: Mon Jul 29th, 2019 04:09 am

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I relabeled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin . . .

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 Posted: Mon Jul 29th, 2019 04:11 am

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My son is at that age where he’s curious about the human body. Guess I’ll have to find somewhere else to hide it.


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